


He'll Never Love You

by ThatOneAwkwardFangirl_Liz_Cecil



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: (mostly), (oh my god they were roommates), Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Gender Changes, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Ennoshita is the water, F/F, Film Major Ennoshita, Fluff, Gay Ennoshita Chikara, Getting Together, Girls are Pretty, Humor, Implied/Referenced Homophobia, Internalized Homophobia, Lapdance, Lewd language, No Smut, Photography Major Akaashi, Rated M for, Roommates, Rule 63, Self-Discovery, Sexuality Crisis, Slow Burn, Tanaka's thirsty, Useless Lesbians, Volleyball Player Tanaka, alkdhgajdklfjkj girls, and, but hoo boy we still get some descriptions, fuck I can't believe that scene's even in here, gosh I'm so gay let me have gay girls it makes me happy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-21
Updated: 2019-06-21
Packaged: 2020-05-15 19:00:54
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 11,065
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19301857
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ThatOneAwkwardFangirl_Liz_Cecil/pseuds/ThatOneAwkwardFangirl_Liz_Cecil
Summary: Tanaka wassupposedto be rooming with Noya.That was her plan, anyways, because obviously she wanted to room with her best friend when they all went off to college. And as far as she was aware, Noya was totally on board! But then, out of fuck-all nowhere, Noya suddenly declares she’ll be living with her girlfriend Asahi instead. Seriously, where did that come from?





	He'll Never Love You

**Author's Note:**

> I wanted to write lesbians, but also, I wanted to write fem!EnnoTana. The reason is simple. I'm really gay for fem!Ennoshita. I'm really really gay for that. Why isn't there more fem!Ennoshita? kLdfjhaghjkal please give me more of that
> 
> Oh also this is about the journey of self-discovery and stuff more than the ship necessarily and it's very close to me but I hope you enjoy it <3

Tanaka was _supposed_ to be rooming with Noya.

That was her plan, anyways, because obviously she wanted to room with her best friend when they all went off to college. And as far as she was aware, Noya was totally on board! But then, out of fuck-all nowhere, Noya suddenly declares she’ll be living with her girlfriend Asahi instead. Seriously, where did that come from?

“We’ve been together for almost two years, Ryuu,” Noya pointed out. “Like…are you _actually_ surprised right now?”

Tanaka huffed and turned away. “Well, _now_ who do I ask to find an apartment with me?!”

“Why don’t you ask Tora?”

“She’s living with her girlfriend, that Fukunaga chick.”

“What about Kyoutani?”

“She’s moving in with Watari and Yahaba.” Tanaka sighed and put her head down on the table. “I don’t have any friends, Yuu. What am I supposed to do now?”

“Well… No, you won’t want to.”

Ryuu snapped her head up. “No, you’ve gotta tell me now!”

“Why don’t you ask Ennoshita?” she suggested.

“I thought she was moving in with Narita and Kinoshita?”

“No, those two finally got together, and she feels…weird about living with them when they’re in like, their honeymoon phase. So, how about it?” Noya leaned forward expectantly.

“Well, _I_ need a roommate, and _Chikara_ needs a roommate…so, yeah! ’Course I’ll ask, why wouldn’ I!”

“I just thought it might be…awkward for you?” Noya averted her eyes and chewed on her straw.

“What? Why?” Tanaka frowned. “We’re like, almost as close as you ’n me! It’s perfect! You’re a genius, Yuu!”

“Well, duh,” she affirmed, tossing her hair. “But…I mean, after the _incident_ when us third-years all got together after Nationals?”

“It was _just_ Truth or Dare,” Tanaka laughed. “I’m sure that Chika doesn’t even _remember_ kissing me. Water under the bridge!”

 

See, sometimes, girls kissed girls. Even platonic. Like, god, everyone knows that! Even if Ennoshita was a lesbian, Tanaka was pretty sure it was meaningless for both of them. Narita dared them to kiss, so they did! And it was brief, chaste, and it never happened again. They even joked about it now. But ever since Yuu brought it up, Ryuu was starting to wonder if she was right in assuming Chikara was over it.

Especially since she was blaring that gay American music as they unpacked, and she froze when _Sleepover_ , a.k.a. _the_ crush-on-a-straight-girl song.

“You good, Chika?” Tanaka called, reaching up to put away the dishes.

“Yeah,” Ennoshita replied, shaking her head and laughing. “Sorry, this one always gets me.”

“Yeah? It’s kinda sad.”

“You’re so lucky to be straight,” Ennoshita laughed. “It sucks liking someone you know will never feel the same.”

“Uh, are you…forgetting my crush on Shimizu-san, by some miracle?”

“Oh, yeah, you _would_ have the shitty luck to fall in love with a gay guy.” Ennoshita laughed and shook her head. When she did, her hair swished a little. Tanaka wondered if she was going to start growing it out longer. It would look really pretty if she did. Though, Ennoshita was always super pretty.

“He’s so pretty,” Tanaka anguished. “But he seems pretty happy with Yachi-kun, so I _suppose_ I get it.”

“Who knows? Maybe you’ll get a boyfriend now that we’re in uni,” Ennoshita suggested. Tanaka wondered if she imagined the tone of bitterness in her voice.

“Yeah, maybe!” she chirped anyways. “And I bet you’ll get a girlfriend in no time, ’cause you’re _totally_ hot!”

“R-really?” Chikara laughed, running a hand through her hair. “No, I…I just look tired and bored all the time.”

“No, you look _disinterested_ ,” Ryuu countered knowingly. “And that makes you hot and mysterious! I bet all the ladies will just be lining up to get between your legs.”

“Fuck, you can’t just _say_ things like that,” Ennoshita laughed, covering her face to hide a blush. “Who knows, maybe. More people _are_ out in college. Or even experimenting.”

“Jeez, do you wanna girlfriend or just to get laid,” Tanaka teased, sticking out her tongue.

“I’ll take what I can get,” she joked. “Hopeless crush on a straight girl, remember?”

“Who _is_ this mysterious straight girl?” Tanaka pressed. “Is it Dai-san, because I totally get it if it is.”

“I, uh, I don’t think Daichi is straight.”

“She’s been dating the same guy since junior high, though,” Tanaka pointed out.

“It’s called bisexuality, Ryuu.”

“Oh, well, I mean, duh, yeah.” Distracted from trying to get information out of her, Ryuu hopped on the couch. “Can we order pizza for dinner, Chika-chan!”

Chikara laughed. “Sure, Ryuu.”

“Yes!”

 

“Chika-chan!”

It was Saturday morning, the morning of volleyball tryouts, and Ryuu had to make sure Chikara was awake. So, she jumped on her bed.

Ennoshita shrieked, jumping at the rude awakening. “Ryuu! Fuck! What’s the matter with you!?”

“It’s time to wake up~,” Tanaka sang, looking at her lovingly. “Volleyball!”

Ennoshita groaned and flopped back. “I told you, I’m not playing in college, Ryuu. I want to join the drama club, and hopefully some other stuff relevant to my major.”

Tanaka pouted. “But _Chika_. How will I fare without you by my side? My captain? My rock? My foundation? I need you with me on the court!”

“I’m fucking tired.”

“You’re _always_ tired.”

“It’s not gonna work, Ryuu.”

Tanaka flopped on top of her, crushing her into the mattress. “Fine, but I ain’t getting up ’til you agree.”

“Jokes on you; I like being on bottom,” Ennoshita replied evenly.

Tanaka tried to maintain a straight (haha) face, but it was different when Chikara made those jokes than to when Yuu did. Instead, she blushed and rolled away.

“What? The un-faze-able Tanaka Ryuunosuke getting shy at a sex joke? Unheard of.”

“Shut up, Chika. I’m not going without you.”

“Guess you’re not playing volleyball then.”

Tanaka pouted and rolled on her side to look Chikara in the eyes. “I can’t believe you’re really giving up volleyball.”

“I’m not _giving it up_. I’m moving on. Even Udai Tenma, the freaking _Small Giant_ , got to move on.”

“It won’t be the same without you.”

Chikara rolled her eyes. “You act like I’m dying and you’ll never see me again. We live together. Now, _go_.”

Tanaka sighed and stood up, ripping off her pajama shirt to grab a sports bra.

“Ack! You could’ve done that in your room.”

“You’ve seen my boobs _innumerable_ times, Chika,” Ryuu laughed. “Get over it.”

“Most girls would be uncomfortable changing in front of their lesbian friend,” Chikara pointed out, eyes squeezed shut.

“Yeah, but I’ve been stark ass naked in front of Yuu, and I don’t see why this is any different.”

“Yuu is asexual and only interested in Asahi and Kiyoko,” Chikara deadpanned. “Get out of my room.”

Ryuu stuck out her tongue and left for her own room. She really didn’t get the big deal. It wasn’t like they hadn’t changed together before! And bathed together at camps, and all that!

She pulled on some sportswear and headed out. Whether or not Chikara came would have to be irrelevant. Ryuu had volleyball practice.

 

“How were tryouts?”

Ryuu startled when Chikara spoke the moment the door opened. “Ah! They were good. Seems like we’ll have a good team.”

“So, you survived without me?” Ennoshita flashed a small but shit-eating smirk. “Here I thought you’d die.”

“I’m a ghost, now, Chika.”

Chikara snorted. “Whatever. I made lunch, if you’re hungry.”

“You’re the best, Enno-chan!”

And that somehow became the start of a new routine.

 

When Chikara was the last home for the night after the first day of school, Ryuu welcomed her home.

“How were classes, Director-san?”

Ennoshita sighed and flopped onto the couch next to her. “I’m so excited for the rest of the semester. I think they’re going to be awesome.”

Tanaka smiled. “Hey, that’s great, Chika! I made dinner, if you’re hungry.”

“You’re amazing,” Chikara said, cupping Tanaka’s cheek for a fraction of a second before heading to their kitchen. “Do you have any syllabuses for your classes? You should probably go through and mark down all your due dates.”

Tanaka rolled her eyes. “What’s the point? Shouldn’t college be _fun_?”

Chikara returned with a plate of food and shot Tanaka an unamused look. “We’ll do that together, then, when I finish eating.”

“Ugh, you’re really still going to hold me to doing my homework, aren’t you?”

She laughed and took a bite of food. “Obviously.”

“Lame,” Tanaka whined. “I wish I was living with Noya.”

“You love that I take care of you,” Ennoshita argued around a mouthful of food. “You’d die without me.”

“No, I’d die without Suga-san. I’d just flunk out of school without _you_.”

Chikara flicked a piece of rice at her. “Yeah, okay, whatever, Ryuu.”

 

“Hey, help me make dinner?”

“Sure, Chika.” Tanaka set down her homework. “Surprised you’re letting me get up without getting all up my vagoo abut finishing my homework first.”

Ennoshita rolled her eyes and laughed. “Maybe I want to take a break, and think that you should too.”

“You just wanna do cute domestic shit together so you can pretend we’re married,” Tanaka teased, ruffling her hair. “It’s okay. I would be your waifu if you asked, Chika!”

Ennoshita muttered something that sounded suspiciously like, _fucking straight girls_ , before joining Tanaka in the kitchen.

They went to work, Tanaka getting out spices and the meat while Ennoshita chopped veggies. Ryuu had been joking about the domestic thing, but she had to admit that this really kind of was. It was quiet, but comfortably so. Ryuu never really enjoyed the quiet before living with Chikara.

“Oi, Ryuu, you’re zoning out.”

Ryuu startled. “Sorry. I ’s jus’ thinkin’.”

“Don’t hurt yourself,” Chikara teased.

Tanaka gasped. “Eh?!?!”

“And hand me the olive oil.”

“Tch. I don’t know why I’m so good to you, Chika, because you’re so mean to me.”

“Cry me a river, Ryuu.” The words came with a fond smile, and Ryuu found herself feeling oddly content.

This…was nice.

 

Ennoshita’s sleep schedule took a little over a month to spiral out of control, but Tanaka watched the descent powerlessly.

“I just don’t _get it_ ,” Chikara sobbed on the phone – probably to Narita or Kinoshita. “He says my plot is thin and my characters and their interactions are uninteresting! But if they were guys, he would love it, I just know it! Or if it was a guy and a girl, not two girls or two guys! Such fucking – fucking sexist, heteronormative, _bullshit_!!”

“Chika–” Tanaka began, but she didn’t seem to hear.

“Yeah, yeah, I know. Alright. Yeah, get your sleep. I love you too. Bye, Kazu-chan.”

“Chikara,” she tried again, putting a hand on her shoulder.

Ennoshita jumped. “Ryuu? You’re still up?”

“Why are you still awake, Ennoshita,” Tanaka whispered. “Come to bed.”

“I have to finish fixing my screenplay!” she insisted. “It has to be so undeniably good that–”

“Chikara.” Ryuu knelt in front of her.

Chikara shook her head and pressed the heels of her hands against her eyes. “I have to. If I can’t impress my fucking professor, I’ll never make it in the real world. I’ll never be a director.”

Tanaka tried to reassure her, but before she could, Chikara started crying.

“Ah, fuck, fuck, hey! Hey, hey, it’s okay, it’s okay!” She pulled Chikara into her arms. “Hey…shh… You’re okay, Chika. That professor – he’s not worth this.”

“I fucking hate this, Ryuu.”

“I know, honey.”

“I can’t keep doing this. Nothing I do is ever good enough.”

“You are so amazing, and so talented, and you’re going to take over the movie industry someday. You’re going to be driven to red carpets in limos with a sexy actress wife on your arm and you’re going to be amazing.”

She shook her head. “Why are you so sure?”

“Because you are so determined; you make anything happen that you want. It’s half your charm, love.”

 

After that, Ryuu started noticing random shit. Like, Chikara wears perfume, even though it’s really light, but Tanaka never thought she did before. And sometimes she wore makeup, but it was only ever when she got too little sleep and tried to hide the bags under her eyes. And she was growing her hair out, and it didn’t always lay right, but it always looked cute.

And when she really started laughing, it was contagious, and Ryuu wasn’t sure there was a prettier sound in the whole world.

“You’re gay for her,” Noya assessed easily. “Pass the sugar?”

Tanaka gaped at her best friend. “I’m _straight_ , Yuu, have you forgotten?”

“I mean, mostly,” she laughed. “Sorry, sorry, but you have to admit that there’s something _less than heterosexual_ about noticing shit like _Chika started using a new shampoo lately_ and _I think she only really lets herself smile when she’s too tired to pull off her passive face_ and _Chikara has really nice thighs, have they always looked that good in shorts?_ Like, get real.”

“Nah,” Tanaka insisted, shaking her head. “There’s gotta be a better explanation!”

“There isn’t one.”

“Fuck off!”

Noya sighed. “It’s okay not to be straight, you know.”

“I know! I support the fuck out of all you guys, _obviously_ I think it’s okay to be not straight!”

“I mean it’s okay for you too, Ryuu.”

“Why – why wouldn’t it be?”

Noya reached across the table for her hand. “I know that you started feeling differently after the kiss in Tokyo.”

“No, I didn’t, and you’re crazy.”

“Ryuu.”

Tanaka averted her eyes. “What?”

“I know your mom has expectations.”

“When Saeko–” She stopped, frowning. “Saeko came out as bi this winter, and told us about her girlfriend! And they’re so fuckin happy together, and so fuckin cute, and I love Alisa! They’re really amazing together.”

“Maybe you should talk to her, see if she can help.”

“I don’t want Ka-san to disown me, too!”

“You should talk to Nee-san,” Noya suggested again. “Maybe if you both talk to your mom–”

“I love you, but your mom is way more chill about this stuff. You don’t get it. I’m sorry.”

“You’ll always have a family with me, Ryuu, don’t forget that.”

“I know. Thanks.”

 

“Chika?”

Chikara set down her laptop. “What’s up, Ryuu?”

“How did you get your parents to move past the whole… _I don’t want to marry a man and unless I adopt I won’t be giving you grandkids_ thing?”

“Eh?”

Ryuu took a deep breath. “Like, how did you get them to, you know, not disown you?”

Chikara frowned. “Hey, Tanaka, what’s this about?” She closed her laptop and turned completely to Ryuu.

“It’s – ah…” Tanaka fumbled for an excuse. “My sister. Saeko-nee came out as bi, and my mom’s having a really fuckin hard time. No one fights sexist, heteronormative expectations like you, and you’re like a sapphic hero, so I was wondering if you had any…advice?”

Ennoshita hummed thoughtfully. “Well, I think it helps that I’m just gay, take it or leave it. I think the fact that Saeko-nee _does_ like guys but just doesn’t really _want_ to date a guy is what’s upsetting her. But if she gets a girlfriend, and they get really serious, well, your mom’s reasonable. She’ll learn to accept it.”

“You really think so? Because, I’m not gonna lie, I’m really fuckin worried ’bout her.”

Ennoshita put an arm around her in comfort. “Don’t worry about it. It’ll get easier.”

“You’re the best, Chika. Thanks.”

 

Ryuu figured that Chikara was right; eventually, her mom would get over it and accept Saeko. But that didn’t mean that Tanaka _had_ to date girls too. She still liked guys, and nothing was stopping her from finding a boyfriend. So, she took it upon herself to find one.

“I hate parties,” Chikara complained, glaring at her vodka and cola. “Why did you drag me here?”

“It’s the end of the semester! You deserve to have fun, Chika!” Tanaka shook her friend. “Go find some eligible young woman to spend the night eating out! I’ll be looking for a potential beau.”

Chikara rolled her eyes. “Good luck with your dick hunt.”

And good luck did she have, because it only took a little bit of searching to stumble upon a cute, nerdy guy looking out of place and desperate for someone to make awkward conversation with.

“Hey,” she chirped, extending a hand. “I’m Tanaka Ryuunosuke.”

He startled for a second, then, “Ah, I’m – uh – I’m Arakaki Souta.” He shook her hand, awkward and brief.

“I couldn’t help but notice you awkwardly trying to blend into the wall,” she laughed. “Need someone to talk to while you avoid the rest of the party?”

“That – that would be nice, thanks.”

“Loosen up! Don’t worry, I’m just giving my friend over there some space so she can find a good hookup,” she explained. “I, on the other hand, am in search of friendship that has potential for more! Not to intimidate you.”

He flushed red and laughed awkwardly. “I’m willing to offer friendship, but no promises past that.”

_Ah, good, he’s adorable and awkward. This should be easy enough, then._

And it was. They fell into easy conversation about their classes and hobbies, and even though they were extremely different, it wasn’t bad. Like, Ryuu really enjoyed hearing about Comp Sci, and she thought it was hella rad that he was in the Robotics Club (um, hello, building robots? That’s really fuckin cool). He thought that volleyball was interesting, even though he never played himself. When she got loud and enthusiastic, he just smiled, like he didn’t mind it at all.

 _Yeah,_ she decided, _this could go somewhere._

“Hey, do you wanna get out of here?” she asked, having to yell above the blaring music. “It’s not what you think, I just thought you might wanna go for a walk around campus where it’s a little quieter!”

He smiled softly and nodded. “Yeah, that sounds nice.”

“Alright, just let me go find Chika and tell her, then I’ll meet you on the porch!”

She forced her way through the crowd, hoping to find Chikara and let her know that all went well. She found Chika, but when she did, Chikara was making out with a familiar-looking girl in a corner.

_Isn’t that Terushima Yuuji, from Johzenji?_

Ryuu grimaced. Maybe it was because she didn’t like Terushima very much, but seeing Chikara with her tongue down her throat made her want to hurl. She decided that she could just text Chikara. There was no way she was getting any closer to that situation than she had to.

 

Chikara didn’t come home until the next morning. Tanaka put off making breakfast until she arrived, too worried about her to try and eat. She sat on a chair facing the door, arms crossed, waiting for her to come back.

Chikara was clearly hungover, squinting against the light when she came in. “Ah, hey, Ryuu.”

“You didn’t answer any of my texts. Do you even know how worried I was?” Ryuu tried and failed to keep her voice calm.

Ennoshita frowned. “I was a little preoccupied, Ryuu. Forgive me for being more focused on the girl who took me to bed with her than my phone.”

“What if something had happened to me? What if cute Comp Sci guy was actually a creep and I needed you to come and rescue me?”

Chikara pressed her lips into a thin line. “I’m sorry.”

“I hope you had fun with Terushima fuckin Yuuji.”

“Hey, what the hell’s that supposed to mean?”

“Nothing. Whatever. Do you want breakfast?”

Ennoshita stared at her for a long moment before shaking her head. “No, I’m too nauseous to eat. I’ll make something later.”

 

After that morning, the tension faded out in all the obvious ways, but Ryuu wasn’t so stupid as to think nothing was wrong. Ennoshita wasn’t on her ass so hard about studying, and they didn’t make each other meals out of habit anymore. They rarely ate together, much less _cooked_ , so outside of polite conversation, the domestic feel left the apartment.

But, whatever. Because Ryuu was making excellent progress with Comp Sci guy, and they just went on their first date, and it was amazing. They went to an arcade, because they had a common ground of gaming, and loser bought ice cream (Comp Sci was the loser, but he seemed alright with that).

He was almost too shy to kiss her goodnight, but he did, and Ryuu was on Cloud Nine. She just wanted to run upstairs and tell Chikara all about it.

But she didn’t know if Chika _wanted_ to hear about it.

Ryuu unlocked the door and figured that in the case she didn’t, Ryuu could call Noya. Noya always wanted to hear.

When she pushed it open, she heard Chikara talking to someone.

“…and god, he’s just kind of a pig, like I really hate being in his class? I can’t wait to be a famous director so that I can shove an Oscar in his sexist face.”

_Ah, the annoying professor._

A bright, unfamiliar laugh filled the apartment. “Trust me, Chikara, once you get a chance to script and direct, the film world is going to be revolutionized by more dynamic female characters and non-tragic, non-sexualized sapphic plotlines. You’re going to be one of the pioneers to bring it into mainstream media. I just know it.”

“Thanks, Keiji. And thanks for listening to all this. I felt like if I kept it in any longer, I was going to explode.”

_Keiji?_

“I can listen to anyone talk – did I tell you that I moved in with Bokuto-san for this year?”

_Bokuto-san… Wait, is that Fukurodani’s setter?!_

“Hey, good for you!”

Tanaka peeked around the corner, finding that it was in deed Akaashi Keiji on her couch. Her jaw dropped, along with the bouquet of flowers from Arakaki.

Chikara jumped and turned. “Oh, Tanaka, you’re home.”

“Y-yeah! Whoa, you’re friends with _Akaashi freakin’ Keiji_?!” Tanaka gasped, running into the living room. “That’s – that’s so _cool_ , Chika!”

Akaashi huffed a laugh, obviously amused by Ryuu’s fangirling. “Nice to see you again, Tanaka-san.”

“Please, call me Ryuu,” Tanaka blurted out. Her face went red as Akaashi just looked more amused. _God, she’s really fuckin pretty._

Ryuu froze. _It’s one thing to think it about Chika. Let’s try to keep the girl crushes to a minimum._

“We were just talking shit about our professors,” Chikara explained. “You’ve heard about mine a million times.”

“I know; one of these days I’m gonna pick a fight with him, I swear,” Tanaka laughed, jumping on the couch between them.

“I was complaining about how I can’t seem to find the right subject for my photographs,” Akaashi said. “But I was hoping Chikara would pose for me. The only problem is I want my theme to be love.”

“Love,” Tanaka repeated. “Why?”

Akaashi smiled, which Tanaka had never seen before, and her heart was pounding. “Well, Bokuto-san was my first muse. I love taking pictures of people, candid and posed. I think showing different kinds of love through photos would be nice. But Chikara seems to think she wouldn’t make a good model.”

“Wha–?” Ryuu gasped. “But you’re totally hot! I bet you’re a natural on camera!”

Ennoshita blushed. “Shut up, Ryuunosuke.”

 

“I want subjects for seven of the eight types of love according to the Greeks,” Akaashi continued. “I would like to leave out _mania_ , because in my opinion, that’s not really love, just obsession.”

“I don’t know what most of that means,” Ryuu admitted, “but I want to help too! In any way you see fit, Akaashi-san!”

“The _problem_ ,” Chikara interrupted, “is that she wants me to find someone to pose with for _ludus_.”

Tanaka blinked. “Eh?”

“Playful love,” Akaashi explained. “I think that finding a girl who brings out the mischievous and fun side of Chikara would be amazing to capture on camera, since she so often displays a face of disinterest.”

“She’s getting Daichi and Suga to pose for _pragma_ , which is amazing,” Chikara laughed. “Which is enduring love, by the way.”

“That’s such a cool project, Akaashi-san,” Tanaka sighed. “I really wish I could help.”

Akaashi tilted her head and hummed, considering something. She glanced between Tanaka and Ennoshita, then another smile came onto her lips. “I think…you can.”

Chikara frowned. “No.”

“It may not be romantic love, but she brings out that side of you, Chikara.”

“What’s happening?” Ryuu asked, looking between the two of them.

“I want you to pose with Chikara. Depending how it goes will depend if I want to get any _agape_ or _eros_ shots of you – which I may.”

Chikara was red and Ryuu recognized the annoyance in her face. Ryuu felt a little awkward herself, but how bad could it be?

“C’mon, Chika!” She elbowed her affectionately. “It could be fun! I bet we’ve got great on-camera chemistry, just like on the volleyball court!”

After a little more convincing, Chikara was on board. But Tanaka knew this was a bad idea. She knew that this was just going to confirm her fears about the nature of her feelings.

_Too late to back out now._

 

“So, I mean this in the nicest way possible, Ryuu, but are you fucking stupid?” Noya asked bluntly, setting out a cup of tea for both of them. “Like…what the hell are you thinking?”

“I don’t know! Akaashi was stressing about her project and she’s _so pretty_ , you know?” Tanaka ran her hands through her short hair. “ _Fuck_ , man. I just started talkin’ and no one fuckin stopped me!”

Asahi looked up from her textbook. “Ah, Tanaka, I don’t wanna butt in…”

“Butt away, Asahi-san.”

“Right. Um, I think you like girls.” Asahi stared at the floor.

“Sure, girls are cool, most of my friends are girls,” Ryuu agreed.

Noya promptly punched her in the stomach.

“ _Damn_ , Yuu! Who are you, Suga-san?” Ryuu sputtered.

“You should not have asked out Comp Sci guy, Ryuu, because now it’s a whole disaster that could have been avoided.”

“No, everything’s fine! I’ve got it under control, Noya!”

 

She did _not_ have it under control.

This occurred to her while picking Chikara up around the waist and twirling her around in a park, both of them laughing with genuine mirth, while Akaashi snapped pictures. It was easy and fun and Chikara looked so good in the cute outfit that Akaashi picked out for her.

Tanaka set Ennoshita down and leaned over her shoulder to kiss her jaw. Ennoshita giggled, fucking giggled, and Tanaka smiled against her skin.

“You’re so fuckin cute,” she said before even thinking.

In her peripherals, she saw a blush painting Ennoshita’s cheeks.

“Shut the fuck up,” Chikara laughed awkwardly. “Just pose.”

“Alright, alright.” Ryuu squeezed Chikara’s sides where she knew Chika was ticklish.

“ _Ha_! Ryuu, stop, oh my god!” she gasped.

“No, this is perfect,” Akaashi called, angling her camera for the next shot.

Ryuu continued to tickle Ennoshita, holding her tight while she squirmed and giggled.

“Fuck both of you,” she huffed between laughs.

“So cute,” Ryuu repeated, nuzzling Chikara’s hair. Without realizing, her hands stopped moving, and she was just rubbing against Chikara’s face (like a fuckin weirdo, Ryuu, what the hell).

Chikara started to turn her head, and their noses bumped. “You’re a surprisingly good model, Ryuu, because I could almost swear you mean it.”

Ryuu’s eyes, traitorous things, flicked down to Chikara’s lips. “Maybe I should switch to being a drama major. Cast me in one of your films, Chika.”

“You’d be okay with kissing another girl?” Chikara asked, her voice in a tone that Ryuu had never heard before. “You know I only write sapphic protagonists.”

“Hmm…” Ryuu pursed her lips in thought, letting them brush against Chikara’s. Her heart was going crazy, and she hoped Chikara couldn’t feel it. “I dunno,” she said, their lips brushing at every word.

“Though, I guess you’ve already kissed a girl,” Chikara mused, leaning closer. “Did you like it?”

“I can’t remember,” Ryuu murmured, “but feel free to refresh my memory.”

They were close enough that each word spoken put pressure between their lips, not just a gentle brush anymore.

“Won’t your boyfriend mind?” Chikara teased. “Comp Sci guy?”

Ryuu felt like she just had the wind knocked out of her. “Oh.” She pulled away, trying to hide her embarrassment. “Uh, right. Him.”

Chikara’s face fell into concern. “Hey, you good? I was just teasing. I mean, it was for the camera, right?”

_It was for the camera, right?_

“Uh, yeah, duh, of course!” Ryuu laughed. _Because I’m not really your girlfriend._

_It was for the camera, right?_

“Hey, ah, Akaashi-san! How’re we lookin’?” Ryuu asked, desperate for a distraction.

“You’re both looking amazing,” Akaashi said, pressing buttons on her camera. “I think that’s good for today, though.”

_It was for the camera, right?_

 

Ryuu started actively avoiding Ennoshita, and she knew it was shitty. She really liked her boyfriend, though, and she didn’t want to break up with him because she happened to have a hot, gay roommate who she was possibly in love with.

…Okay, so maybe that was a really good reason to break up.

As if she wasn’t on edge enough about everything, her mother had to call.

“Ka-san, hey,” Tanaka greeted, sitting up in bed.

 _“Hey, Ryuu-chan,”_ her mother replied, oddly cheerful, compared to recent. _“How have you been?”_

“Good,” she lied, “great. School’s going well, and I’ve made friends, so it’s good.”

_“I’m glad to hear! Your sister and her girlfriend are coming by for a proper dinner this weekend! I know you already know Alisa-chan, but I was wondering if you wanted to come anyways?”_

Ryuu stopped. “You’re okay with her, now?”

_“Well, Saeko clearly loves her. I may not be thrilled, but all I want is for her to be happy, Ryuu.”_

Ryuu nodded. “You’re right. I’m glad you came around, because Alisa-chan is a babe and totally out of Nee-san’s league.”

Her mother gave a hearty laugh on the other line. _“Be nice to your sister! And are you trying to tell me something? Any special lady in your life?”_

Ryuu laughed nervously. “No, but I am dating a Computer Science major, and he’s very sweet.”

_“Oh, that’s nice! You should bring him!”_

“Oh, god, Ka-san!” she gasped. “It’s way too soon for that!”

_“Alright…well, make sure you bring him by eventually, because I want to meet him!”_

“Alright, Ka-san, if you insist.”

 

“Ryuu~!”

That was all the warning Ryuu got before her five-foot-nothing “big” sister barreled into her and knocked the air from her lungs.

“How’s my favorite sister?!” Saeko continued, slapping Ryuu’s back hard enough to make her bend down, then catching her in a headlock.

“I’m your only sister – get the fuck off me, you ol’ hag!” Ryuu muttered, pushing her away. “God, are you getting shorter, Nee-san?”

Saeko’s eyes widened. “What was that, you little brat?” She brought her knuckles down on Ryuu’s head. “Wanna fuckin’ repeat yourself? You might be a goddamn skyscraper but I’ll kick your ass! Brat!”

“Girls!” their mother chided sharply. “Come on! Not in front of Alisa-chan!”

Ryuu glanced up to see her sister’s beautiful, silver-haired girlfriend hiding giggles behind her hand. _Huh. Chika-chan does that too. So cute._ She instantly kicked herself for that thought.

“Oh, hey, Alisa-san!” Ryuu called. “So, I’ve been meaning to ask, what’s a babe like you doing with a wench like Saeko?”

“You wanna die today, brat?”

“I’m just sayin’, Nee-san, Alisa’s a babe with legs for days and could probably seduce half the world’s population,” Ryuu reasoned, cringing when Saeko’s knuckles dug in harder.

“What you’re forgetting is that Saeko-chan has a great ass,” Alisa replied, all nonchalant, and Ryuu started choking, because no one needed to _fucking hear that, Haiba-san._

 

“Oi. Shithead.” Saeko threw a sock at Ryuu’s head. “What’s your fuckin issue today? You’re totally out of it.”

They were sitting in Saeko’s old room, staring at the wall. Ryuu was jealous, okay. So jealous, because Saeko was getting accepted by their parents and she had this gorgeous girlfriend and Ryuu was absolutely too much of a coward to accept herself and–

“Hey, Ryuunosuke.” Saeko shook her shoulder. “Kid. What’s goin’ on?”

Ryuu crashed onto Saeko’s lap. “I can’t.”

“Okay. Okay, yeah.” Saeko petted her head. “Well, if you need to talk about it?”

“You’ll be the first person I call.”

“Fuckin liar. Noya is the first person you’ll call.”

“Okay, yeah, that’s true.”

 

_It was for the camera, right?_

When Chikara makes her laugh, it’s unrestrained and full of joy and amusement. It’s full of endearment, because Chikara is so cute when she lets loose like that.

When Arakaki makes her laugh, it’s amused and mirthful, sure. But she holds back a little, desperate to impress, because she knows sometimes she snorts and doesn’t want to look stupid.

_It was for the camera, right?_

 

It all went to shit when the Karasuno alumni had a reunion party at the start of the summer holiday.

“Truth or Dare!” Noya insisted, bouncing up and down.

And of course, it was a tradition for them, so no one argued. Hell, Ryuu was excited. This was her favorite party game!

“I won’t back down from any dare!” she proudly announced.

“Me neither!” Noya agreed, pointing to herself.

The thing was, once Ryuu made a declaration like that, she couldn’t back out of it. So, after a good amount of vodka and lots of laughs, she was in the danger zone.

“Tanaka!” Suga slurred, leaning across the circle. “Truth or dare~, sweetie?”

“Dare! You _know_ i's gonna be _dare_ , Sugamama~.”

Suga giggled, even if it wasn’t funny, and downed the rest of her drink. “I dare you…to let Ennoshita give you…a _lap dance_.”

Chikara laughed, too far gone to be annoyed. “Suga-san, isn’t that a dare for _me_?”

“Ah, you’ll do anything, we all know it. But Ryuu has to be okay with letting you~.”

“I dunno, Ryuu-chan?” Chikara cooed. “Gonna let me do this?”

“Obviously,” Ryuu said, but then her brain caught up. _This entails…a lot._

But as she sat in a chair, she really wasn’t _that_ worried, because wasn’t this the kind of thing that guys got off on? Not girls? Like, sure, friction, whatever, but it wasn’t like she would have to worry about some raging boner if Chikara was too sexy. So, this would probably be fine, right?

Chikara grabbed her phone and tossed it to Suga. “Just hit play, Suga.”

Suga grinned and gave a thumbs up. Tanaka was a little concerned at how she seemed to know something Tanaka didn’t.

Ennoshita grinned at Tanaka, suddenly looking soberer than moments before. Hell, Tanaka _felt_ soberer than moments before. She looked at Chikara, wondering why she hadn’t taken in her outfit before.

Chikara, per the usual, looked like the poster child for a lesbian director. Leather jacket, black flannel, high-waisted jeans, French-tucked grey t-shirt, combat boots… But she didn’t look like a walking stereotype or a dork. She just looked hot.

The music started, and Ryuu had heard it from Chikara’s room before, but she didn’t know the name. She only knew enough English to keep up and watch how Chikara moved. Chikara took a couple steps towards Ryuu and leaned down to whisper in her ear.

“Don’t make the mistake of underestimating female arousal, Ryuu.” It was like a purr, and it went straight to Ryuu’s lady parts. Chikara made her point, _quite well_.

_Soft touch, warm skin – nothing like my ex man_

Chikara ran a hand through Ryuu’s short hair as she stepped behind her, nails scratching her scalp.

_Slowly falling – I don’t want the next man._

“You call me cute a lot, Ryuu…but I think you’re beautiful.” Chikara’s hands traced lightly down her arms and back up again.

_I never felt this way before, he never called me beautiful –_

_like you do, like you do._

Ryuu was aware of her entire body at this point, buzzing and alive with something she was so unfamiliar with.

_Now, I’m in uncharted water –_

“You should know your own body, you know, before letting someone else touch you.”

_Territory getting hotter –_

Chikara’s grip found her shoulders, not quite at her neck, but not far, either.

_And I think I like it,_

_I think I like it_

“You should pay more attention to it.” And just like that, Chikara’s hands left her, and she was circling back to the front.

_Only a girl knows how a girl feels_

“There are so many nerves, so many ways to make you feel good.” Her eyes were half-lidded and dark, like something out of a fantasy Ryuu didn’t even know she had. She shrugged out of the leather jacket and let it drop to the floor.

_Only a girl can make me feel this way._

Chikara drove a knee to one side of Ryuu’s thigh, leaning over her. “So, when you hear most women have never had an orgasm, you should know that men must _really_ be doing something wrong.”

_It’s getting better,_

_nothing like two girls sticking together._

“I could unravel you and hardly have to even touch you.”

Ryuu was pretty sure she was the only one in the room who could hear her, and she was also pretty sure Chika was right.

_Only a girl can make me say, make say –_

“Pretty bold of you to assume, Chika.” Ryuu tried and failed to keep the shaking out of her voice. _This is ridiculous._

“Unless you’re going to ask me to stop,” Chikara murmured against the side of her neck, “don’t speak.” She finished the demand with a nip to Ryuu’s earlobe, which didn’t do much to help Ryuu’s present state. And just like that, she was backing up again.

_Dark eyes, pink lips – now my heart is racing._

“But that’s no fun,” Ennoshita sighed, dropping to her knees and arching her back. She tilted her head to expose her neck and dragged her fingers across her collarbone. Tanaka kind of hoped she would get to experience that next.

_Hot fingertips – don’t know what I’m facing._

“After all –” She leaned forward and put her hands on Ryuu’s knees, gently nudging her legs to spread. “– it would be more interesting to pull you apart with my own hands.” She rocked closer, hands dragging up Ryuu’s thighs and stopping halfway.

Ryuu had enough presence of mind to hide her gasp.

_Everything is new to me,_

_I like what you do to me._

“Or would you prefer it if I used my mouth on you?” Chikara looked up at Ryuu through her lashes. She must have really gotten into this, because Ryuu could’ve sworn she spotted pure lust in her darkening eyes.

Ryuu was pretty sure that she didn’t look much better, though.

_Now it’s you, only you._

“I could do both, you know.”

_Now I’m in uncharted water –_

She leaned up to drag her lips, featherlight, up Tanaka’s neck. “Even at the same time, did you know?”

_Territory getting hotter –_

“Make you scream out my name, oversensitive but still begging for more.”

_I think I like it, I think I like it_

“You never know your limits, Ryuu.”

Ryuu wondered if it was actually possible to have her pussy destroyed just like this: Ennoshita, barely touching her, murmuring the things she could do to her, while sexy lesbian music played in the background.

_Only a girl knows how a girl feels_

Chikara pushed back once more. “Straight or not, you wouldn’t be able to deny that I know just how to make you feel good.”

_Only a girl can make me feel this way_

Chikara spun so her back faced Ryuu and dropped low in front of the chair, slowly pushing off the flannel.

_It’s getting better,_

Ryuu was acutely aware of how in the one move along, it was the absolute gayest thing that had ever happened to her.

_Nothing like two girls sticking together._

Chikara slid back up and turned her head to look Ryuu in the eyes. “I wouldn’t let you off so easy, though.”

_Only a girl –_

She turned, legs wide, and descended onto Ryuu’s lap, still too light for any sort of relief. Ryuu never had to make such a conscious effort to keep her hips in one place.

“You’d have to return the favor, of course.”

_Can make me say, make me say –_

“I would,” Ryuu breathed, her bottom lip trembling as Chikara rolled her hips and teased the hem of Ryuu’s shirt, just for a moment.

And just like that, she was off the chair again, too far to touch, back to Ryuu. Her arms looked like they were crossed in front of her, and Ryuu was confused until she saw the t-shirt lifting and a sliver of skin exposed.

Tanaka licked her lips before she could process her own actions and had to suppress a whine when Chikara pulled the shirt all the way off. Suga whistled and cheered, but when Ryuu tried to laugh, it was breathy and shaky.

Ennoshita finally turned around again. Ryuu wished she hadn’t. Chikara had always been slim-waisted and well-toned, but now was not the time to think about that.

She stepped forward, leaning onto Ryuu’s lap again.

_And now I’m open like I’ve never been_

“You’ve seen my boobs _innumerable times_ , Ryuu,” she whispered, noticing how Ryuu was trying not to look. She grabbed her chin. “Get over it.”

_I didn’t know I needed –_

For the first time, Chikara grinded their hips together, and Ryuu stuttered, “Oh my god,” before raising her hand to bite her fist.

_I love the way she treat it_

Chikara smirked and bit her lip as she backed away again.

_Everything is happening_

Ryuu wondered if it was too desperate to grab her hips and beg her to stay put.

_Only, only, ah, ah_

“That’s enough,” Chikara whispered.

_Only a girl knows how a girl feels_

“How would you want me, Ryuu?” she pondered, dropping low again.

_Only a girl can make me feel this way_

“Would you be bold enough to use your fingers on me, your tongue?” Her hands were sliding up Ryuu’s thighs again, burning through her jeans.

_It’s getting better,_

“I bet if you studied and practiced hard enough…”

_Nothing like two girls sticking together_

“You could be really good with your mouth.”

Ryuu wondered why that turned her on so much. _Oh, god, do I have a sensei kink?_ Half her mind wondered what it would be like to be with Chikara, having Chikara direct her movements and tell her how she’s doing and what she needs to work on. Correcting her mistakes like she corrected her homework in high school.

_Only a girl can make me say, make me say –_

“Only if you taught me,” Ryuu murmured before she could think to stop.

_Only a girl knows how a girl feels_

“I’d be better than _him_ ,” Chikara promised. “You’d fall apart underneath me so much better than for some guy.”

_Only a girl can make me feel this way_

“I believe you,” Tanaka stammered.

_It’s getting better,_

_nothing like two girls sticking together_

Chikara squeezed her thighs and slid up to Tanaka’s lap one more time.

_Only a girl can make me say, make me say_

There was no teasing, just the gentle roll of Chikara’s hips against her own. She didn’t deny herself a sigh this time.

_Only a girl_

Ryuu was unable to keep herself from rolling her hips upward, bringing her hands to Ennoshita’s bare waist.

_Only a girl._

The song ended, Chikara huffed a laugh, and then she climbed off Ryuu’s lap.

Ryuu stared blankly as she pulled on her shirt again, wondering what the hell she was supposed to do now. The dance had been surprisingly… _efficient_ , and the only way it could’ve ended better was with Ennoshita’s fingers curled inside of her.

 _Oh,_ she realized, _huh. That was a pretty gay thought there, Ryuunosuke._

Ennoshita tilted her head curiously. “Um, it’s your turn.”

“My turn…?”

“To ask someone truth or dare,” Noya supplied.

“Yes! Obviously, I knew that! Asa-chan, truth or dare!”

 

It didn’t immediately ruin Ryuu’s relationship with Arakaki. Surprisingly, it had very little of a direct effect. He invited her to a robotics competition on the other side of town, so she went and met his friends. And it wasn’t awful.

It just wasn’t Chikara.

“I can’t believe a girl like you is with a nerd like this guy,” one of the guys teased. “Seriously, Arakaki-kun, how did you manage that?”

“Ryuu asked me out,” Arakaki muttered, pushing up his glasses and looking away.

Ryuu laughed and put her arm around him. “That I did! He was just so cute at that party – I had to rescue him, though, he looked so scared to be there.”

“That happens when you get abandoned by your only friend,” he snorted.

She ruffled his hair. “Besides, I think this stuff is super interesting! I’m more of a mechanics-with-cars kinda gal, but I love hearing him talk about it.”

“You’re so lucky,” one of the girls complained. “I can’t find nerdy lesbians to date. Only flighty bi-curious girls who _wanna experiment_!” Her voice took on a higher pitch for that last part. She gagged. “I want a real relationship for once.”

“My roommate is a lesbian,” Ryuu blurted out. “Um. Oh, fuck, she is going to kill me if I try to set her up, though.”

The girl leaned forward. “Is she? What does she look like? What’s her major?”

“She’s a film major – she wants to be a director,” Tanaka replied. Her stomach was knotted up in pangs of jealousy, but she forced it down. “Short, dark hair; dark, lidded eyes; if you’re lucky, she kinda smiles, but it’s like a half-smile where you’re not totally sure if she’s like, actually making fun of you, but she rarely is, because she’s a really good person.”

“I just got gayer,” the girl declared. “Maybe you could introduce us sometime?”

“Yeah. Maybe,” Ryuu said, forcing a smile.

She wasn’t going to, though.

 

“A playground?” Chikara said, crossing her arms. “I suppose you want us to run around making fools of ourselves, then?”

Keiji laughed, and it took all Ryuu’s willpower not to drop to her knees and pray. “Just do what feels natural. There’s a bathroom over there – it’s not awful for a park facility, actually – so just take your outfits and get changed. I think you’re going to like this one.”

Ryuu squealed with excitement. “I love being directed for these photoshoots, Chika! It’s so fun, and Keiji-chan is such a good photographer!”

Chikara snorted. “The way you gape after her, I’d think you had a crush on her or something.”

Ryuu laughed. “Good one. But also, true. I mean, c’mon. It’s Akaashi freakin’ Keiji, aren’t we all in love with her?”

“Not my type,” Ennoshita said, shaking her head.

“What _is_ your type?” Tanaka asked, holding the door open for her.

“I like bad girls,” Chikara replied with a grin.

“Well, I’m bad,” Tanaka said, “at everything.”

Ennoshita laughed, and it echoed off the bathroom walls like a beautiful chorus. “Get changed, Ryuu. I want this to just be over.”

“Do you really not enjoy this? Getting dressed up and photographed and playing around?” Tanaka asked, because she already knew the answer.

“I…” Chikara shook her head and entered a stall. “It’s not that I hate it, you know? But I’m not a model, and I’m not an actor… I like to _do_ the directing, you know?”

“You’re a control freak, it’s okay,” Tanaka teased, pulling on the shorts that Keiji had picked for her. “You like being in charge.”

“ _Ahhhh_ , fuck no,” Ennoshita groaned from the other stall.

“What is it?” Tanaka reached for the top of the stall wall and pulled herself up to look at what the problem was.

“I can’t _wear_ this,” Ennoshita whined. She held up a romper.

“Why not? ’S cute,” Ryuu said.

“I…” She gestured to her body, pulled on her stomach, and waved her arms a bit more. “It’s too… I don’t wear things this short or tight around my waist or anything.”

Ryuu sighed and slid down the wall before leaving her stall and knocking on Chikara’s. Chika opened it before gasping.

“What do you have against shirts, Ryuu?!”

“Huh?” She looked down at her bare torso. “Oh, oops. No, honey, come here. What’s the matter?” She stepped in the stall.

“I don’t…want that much of my legs on display, okay? And…I don’t like the way these things cling to me.” Ennoshita flushed red and looked away. “It was different when I was playing volleyball and everything was backed by muscle. But now, I just…”

“Have bangin’ thighs that I think about when I drift off in class sometimes?” Tanaka offered. “Don’t tell me that someone with a beautiful body is really doubting herself?”

“It’s easy for you to be confident,” she muttered. “Tanaka, I’m not _like you_ , okay? I…feel weird and I don’t like feeling so exposed.”

“If you don’t like it, we’ll have Keiji pick something else out for you,” Ryuu assured her. “But…if it’s because you feel like you shouldn’t wear it, like you don’t have the body for it…that’s different. Because you’re beautiful, and could pull off literally anything.” She cupped Chikara’s face in her hands.

Ennoshita avoided eye contact. “I’ll wear it. I don’t wanna mess with Keiji’s vision.”

“You’re so beautiful, Chikara,” Tanaka whispered, resting their foreheads together. “Please, never doubt that about yourself.”

 

“You know what?” Arakaki said while walking Ryuu home one night.

“What?” Tanaka asked, grinning over her shoulder at him.

“I don’t think I’ve ever actually met your roommate,” he said. “You talk about her all the time; I’d really like to, if that’s okay.”

She bit her lip. This was a bad idea, but it made sense. She _had_ met his friends… “Well, she should be home. Why don’t you come upstairs with me?”

He lit up, smiling so wide his eyes squeezed shut, and ugh, she was so weak for him. It would make her life easier if she wasn’t.

She unlocked the door, trying to keep the shaking out of her hands. Why was this so nerve-wracking?

“Chika? I’m home!” she called out.

“I have dinner ready!” Ennoshita called back. “How was your date with–?” Her mouth hung open when she turned the corner.

“Hi,” Arakaki squeaked, giving a shy wave.

“Hi,” Ennoshita repeated back to him, shooting Tanaka an inquisitive look.

“He wanted to meet you,” she explained, pushing her boyfriend forward a bit. “Sorry, I would’ve warned you–”

“No,” Ennoshita interrupted, “it’s okay. I made plenty of food.”

 

Dinner was awkward, but it got easier afterwards. Tanaka and Ennoshita talked like usual, dragging Arakaki into a few disagreements and laughing at his awkwardness.

“Oh, did Ryuu tell you about our friend Keiji’s project?” Ennoshita asked. “We’ve been posing for her photography project.”

He shook his head. “That’s really cool, though. Do you have any of the pictures?”

“Oh, I don’t think–” Ryuu started, but Chika already had her phone out.

“She’s such a natural, isn’t she?” Chika said fondly, scrolling through pictures.

“The camera loves her almost as much as she loves it,” Arakaki teased, smirking at her.

“Hey, I don’t _love_ the camera,” she whined.

“So, are you guys acting as a couple?” he asked, zooming in on a picture.

“Kind of,” Ennoshita said. “It’s just supposed to show playful love, though, which can be platonic too. We’re just dicking around, mostly.”

Arakaki nodded. “So…you guys are just doing what you usually do, then?”

“Well, it’s played up for the camera,” Ryuu muttered.

“You guys must be really close,” he said, smiling up at her. But it seemed a little off, somehow.

 

Ryuu laid on Suga and Daichi’s couch, trying to toss popcorn into her mouth.

“You’re going to choke,” Suga sighed, looking up from her homework. Her silvery hair was coming out of its bun and falling over her face. It took every bit of Ryuu’s self-control not to reach out and push it behind her ear.

_This is getting bad._

“Move your legs,” Daichi said, nudging Tanaka before sitting beside her. “Why are you moping?”

“How did you know you were bi?” she asked, propping herself up on her elbows.

Daichi looked at Suga, then back at Tanaka. “Having a gorgeous best friend who I was in love with helped. But I knew that what I had with Michimiya-kun was real too. Why?”

“How would I know…if I was bi or gay?”

“Don’t you have a boyfriend?” Daichi asked.

“Daichi,” Suga scolded. “Let’s not do that. It won’t help.” She turned to look Tanaka in the eyes. “I knew I was gay because _girls_. And sure, I’d noticed guys, I guess, but _girls_. They’re just so pretty and ethereal and you look at them and it’s like looking at a heavenly being and–”

“Suga,” Daichi interrupted with a laugh.

“There’s just this distinct feeling, you know?”

Ryuu sighed. She did know. “I’m just going through self-discovery is all.”

Suga nodded. “We’re here for you, sweetie.”

“I know. Thanks.”

Daichi squeezed her calf lightly. “For anything you need.”

 

“Hey, Chika, can I have the apartment tonight? I don’t wanna force you out or nothin’, but Arakaki’s comin’ over and I think it’s _the night_ , so…” Ryuu smiled hopefully.

“Ew. Leaving. Use protection. Call me.” Ennoshita grabbed her phone and purse. “I’ll be with Hisashi and Kazuhito.”

“Tell them I say hi and that I love them!” Tanaka yelled as Ennoshita left the apartment. She chuckled to herself and scrolled through her phone.

Arakaki had sounded so nervous about coming over, and Tanaka thought it was adorable. Even if they ended up just watching movies all night, it would be worth the alone time. She really did enjoy his company.

She leaned back on one of the throw pillows, but the smell distracted her. She turned her head, and sure enough, it smelled like Chikara’s perfume.

Had it always been that intoxicating?

_Okay, that’s really gay, Ryuu, and you’re about to see your adorable, nerdy boyfriend, so stop thinking like a lesbian, because you’re literally straight?_

She glanced around the apartment. It was kind of a mess, but an organized mess. Still, she could stand to straighten up (ha) a little before Arakaki arrived, right?

She piled her clothes together and brought them to her room, stuffing them in the closet, then went back to take care of any of Chikara’s. When she picked up the leather jacket to hang up, she froze. Memories of the reunion night hit her, and she suddenly wanted to lock herself in her room forever.

She threw it onto Chikara’s bed and went back to the living room. _Not today. We’re not doing this today._

There was a knock on the door, and she jumped. “Come in!”

Arakaki walked through the door, but he wasn’t smiling. He wasn’t dressed for a date. He just looked as anxious as he’d sounded.

“Hey, are you okay?” Ryuu asked, stepping towards him.

He closed the door and leaned back against it. “I – um – no.”

Anxiety flooded her chest. “Well, what is it, honey?”

He bit his lip and stared at his shoes. “I really like you, Ryuu.”

“I like you too.”

“But…I’m a little worried,” he whispered.

“What? Why?”

“Last week, when I hung out with you and Ennoshita-chan,” he began slowly. “I realized that she made you laugh and smile in a way I never have. And…you seemed to enjoy being with her more.”

“You’re jealous?” Tanaka scoffed.

“No,” he quickly explained, “no, no. I’m not jealous. Like I said, I’m worried.”

“Worried,” she repeated, narrowing her eyes.

“If you have feelings for her, I don’t want you to feel… _obligated_ to stay with me, just because you asked me out and all that. You should…tell her. Like you said, she’s gay, so she might feel the same.”

“This isn’t happening.” It was supposed to be an inside thought, but it came out (ha) instead. “No. This isn’t happening. You are _not_ trying to tell me that I have feelings for one of my best friends. No. Get out of my apartment.”

“Ryuu, I care about you, and you’ve seemed really stressed lately, and if this is what’s been–”

“No, Souta, get out of my apartment,” she repeated firmly. “Go. Don’t come back.”

“Ryuunosuke–”

“Sou.”

He pursed his lips and then turned around. “I hope you can figure it out, Ryuu, because you deserve to be happy.”

“Get _out_.” And he did.

She went straight to her room and locked the door. It was Friday. She could probably stay there all weekend, if she tried hard enough.

 

Crying and grieving was kind of a weird process.

Tanaka wasn’t exactly sure what she was grieving. Maybe it was all of it. She didn’t know. Part of her grieved her first relationship, which she enjoyed. But she knew it wasn’t exactly real. Her heart wasn’t really in it. Maybe that’s why she went for the first guy she saw who practically screamed _safety_.

But another part was grieving…herself. The way she looked at herself was changing, and there was nothing she could do about it. She was the same person, maybe, but before she had been in a state of constant denial and refusing to admit who or what she liked.

So, if she couldn’t even let herself love who and what she wanted, how did she really know who she was?

Maybe that didn’t make any sense. She wasn’t really sure. She was pretty sure, however, that none of her friends had such a difficult time coming out to themselves. That’s the first person you come out to, right? But she was taking it so hard that she wasn’t sure how anyone else even would.

Once she’d cried for a good forty-eight hours, though?

She leaned back on her pillows and exhaled.

There was this massive weight just _gone_ from her chest. She rubbed her eyes and stood up, shaking from not eating or drinking enough. She was going to eat so much now, and just…feel better. Yeah.

 _I feel better_.

It was almost a weird revelation, because she hadn’t really felt okay since this whole crisis had started. But she really was. She was okay.

When she opened her door, she gave a startled squeak. “Chika?”

Ennoshita was curled up outside the door. “Hm?”

“What the fuck?” she demanded, waving her arms.

“Well, you’ve been in there sobbing, and I’ve been worried,” Chikara replied, sitting up groggily. “You finally stop at ass o’clock on Sunday, though?”

“Sorry,” Ryuu muttered. “We broke up.”

“Gee, I fucking gathered. You want to talk about it?”

“I’m gay.”

“You mean, bisexual?”

“No,” Tanaka sighed, sinking down next to her. “Gay. Completely and totally gay. Which was unexpected. I thought I was joining the pan club with Noya, Suga, and Daichi for sure.”

“And Kinoshita and Narita,” Ennoshita chimed in. “Damn. So, you’re like, a lesbian?” Her face was scrunched up in confusion.

“Wow, Chika, never took you for a homophobe.” Tanaka shoved her lightly. “But…yeah.”

Chikara pat her arm. “I’m proud of you for accepting yourself. That’s the hardest part, you know?”

“Really? For everyone?” Tanaka asked.

“I’m not sure about everyone, but it was for me.”

“Oh.”

Chikara sighed and leaned back. “Let me tell you: the volleyball locker room is not the place to realize you like girls.”

“I’m kinda shocked I lasted that long in locker rooms without realizing,” Ryuu snorted.

“Me too, since you were always checking out Daichi-san.”

Tanaka gasped. “What? No, I wasn’t!”

She laughed. “Sure. Okay.”

“However, upon accepting my gayness, I do have to say that Suga-san is a _lucky lady_ , with unlimited access between those powerful thighs–”

“Oh my god, shut up,” Ennoshita laughed. “Want something to eat?”

“Yes, I’m _starving_ ,” Tanaka whined, standing back up.

“Skip class tomorrow?”

“Probably, yeah.”

“I’ll stay with you, okay?”

Tanaka smiled. “Thanks.”

 

“So, what happened, exactly?” Chikara asked softly. “If you want to tell me, that is.”

Ryuu stared at the mug of coffee in her hands. “He broke up with me, basically.”

“Did he say why…?” Chikara leaned across the table.

“Uh, yeah.” Ryuu nodded and forced a smile. “Definitely said why.”

Chikara pursed her lips. “And?”

“Remember when we were all together last week?”

She nodded. “What about it?”

“He, uh – well, he said that he thought – he thinks – you make me happier than he did.” Ryuu laughed, but it was kind of empty. “I was mad at him for even saying that, because it’s the truth.”

Chikara frowned. “I don’t think I understand?”

“This has been going through my head for months,” Ryuu said, burying her face in her hands. “This…identity crisis, or whatever. I’m sure you’ve noticed.”

“I – well, yeah,” Chikara agreed.

“We kissed, you know.”

“I was there,” Ennoshita agreed.

“And…you know, kissing boys has never felt like that, Chika.”

“Yeah?” Chikara tried to catch her eye, but Ryuu avoided it.

“When Ka-san disowned Nee-san, I thought…there was no way. I couldn’t – because, I just–.”

“I understand,” Ennoshita said, reaching across the table to cover Ryuu’s hand with her own.

“But it was always there in my mind, and it just kept coming back. And I remember when you hooked up with Terushima-chan, I just about lost my fucking mind with jealousy. But when we were on camera together, for Keiji’s project?” Ryuu huffed a laugh. “That was so natural, being with you.”

Chikara squeezed her hand. “Go on.”

“This is so shit, and I shouldn’t be telling you this,” Ryuu whispered. “I’m pretty sure I’m in love with you, though.”

Chikara was silent for a painful moment, and then: “What now?”

“Nothing,” Ryuu said, almost immediately. “I can’t offer you anything, and I think you know that.”

“So, what? We go on like normal?”

“I guess. For now. I just…yeah.”

Chikara sighed and nodded. “If that’s what you want.”

“It isn’t, but it wouldn’t be fair otherwise. I can’t just…I mean, I did really like him. I do have to get over the fact we won’t be in each other’s lives anymore.”

Chikara hummed contemplatively. “How long do you think you’ll need? A month? Six months? A year–?”

“Fuck, gimme like a week, Chika, it’s not like I was in love with him or anything,” Ryuu laughed. “Wait, how long for what?”

“Until I can ask you out,” Chikara said dismissively. “Obviously.”

Ryuu gaped at her. “Excuse me?”

“You heard me.”

Ryuu couldn’t help but bark out a laugh. “I’m not sure if that was smooth or terrible, but in any case, it’s perfect.”

“Yeah, well, I’m just glad I haven’t been _actually_ pining over a straight girl for two years, so, I’ll take the good luck where I can,” Chikara laughed.

“Wait, _I’m_ the awful straight girl?” Tanaka gasped.

“Yes,” Chikara confirmed.

Ryuu groaned. “Oh, great, now I have to kick my own ass.”

“Yep, sorry,” she laughed.

“Can I ask, like – _why_?”

“I’ve been asking myself that for two years,” Ennoshita teased.

“That’s _mean_ , Chika.”

“Maybe,” she agreed. “But maybe I just love you because we’re best friends, and there’s always been something special there. Maybe, it’s because you’re funny and loud and friendly and ambitious and the most ridiculous person I know.” Chika shrugged, sipping her coffee. “I love you, because there’s nothing about you that’s not to love.”

Tanaka covered her mouth. “Fuck, that was really nice.”

Chikara laughed. “Finish your brunch. You haven’t had real food since Friday.”

 

“Hey, hey, hey, everybody!” The audience turned their attention to Bokuto in the front of the room. “Thank you all for coming to my _beautiful_ and _talented_ girlfriend’s first ever gallery opening! Her theme was the types of love, and she captured them with just her camera, and I’ve never been so amazed. I don’t understand a lot of what she says, ’cause I’m kinda stupid with art, but I know I can see the love portrayed here. So, everyone, please give a warm welcome to _Akaashi Keiji_ , and appreciate her amazing photography skills! Keiji, you’re the best!”

Ryuu and Chikara hooted and hollered when Keiji thanked Bokuto and kissed her cheek.

“I’m not good with speeches, or people, which is why I made Bokuto-san do my introduction,” Keiji admitted.

The crowd laughed.

“I just want to thank my photography professor for this opportunity, and my friends who offered to model for me. I couldn’t have done this without you. Thank you.” Keiji ducked out of the spotlight as quickly as she stepped into it, hiding in her buff girlfriend’s side.

Ryuu smiled, grabbing Chikara’s hand. “Let’s go take a look, shall we, babe?”

Chikara nodded. “I don’t want to see ours, though. I’m too anxious for that.”

“Alright…maybe we’ll just save it for last, then.”

“Maybe.” Chikara bit her lip and glanced away, cheeks turning red. Ryuu loved how camera shy she was, and how cute she was, and–!

Ryuu cupped her face and pressed a gentle kiss to her lips. “I love you.”

Chikara blushed harder. “Fuck off about it already,” she mumbled. “Let’s go look.”

Hand in hand, they walked through the gallery, admiring Keiji’s work.

 

_[Agape – Unconditional/Pure Love.]_

_Kozume Kenma and Kuroo Tetsurou_

_[Eros – Romantic/Sexual Love.]_

_Oikawa Tooru and Iwaizumi Hajime_

_[Philia – Affectionate Love.]_

_Kyoutani Kentarou, Yahaba Shigeru, and Watari Shinji_

_[Philautia – Self-Love.]_

_Azumane Asahi / Yamaguchi Tadashi / Tendou Satori / Aone Takanobu_

_[Storge – Familiar Love.]_

_Bokuto Koutarou, Bokuto Kana, and Bokuto Yuuka_

_[Pragma – Enduring Love.]_

_Sawamura Daichi and Sugawara Koushi_

_[Ludus – Playful Love.]_

_Ennoshita Chikara and Tanaka Ryuunosuke_

 

Ryuu grinned. “We look in love,” she noted.

“That was the point,” Ennoshita reminded her.

“Yeah, but we weren’t even trying that hard,” Ryuu said. “Maybe we’re just good at loving each other.”

“Yeah?”

Ryuu lifted their joined hands and kissed Chikara’s knuckles. “Stay by my side?”

Ennoshita snorted. “I will.”

“I mean it, Chika.”

A more serious look crossed her face. “I do, too.”

**Author's Note:**

> I will eventually go back hopefully to add art for that last bit. I hope you enjoyed it!
> 
> Follow me on [Twitter](https://www.twitter.com/lovingyachi) and scream with me about Haikyuu!! and other shit


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